How to Talk Like a Two-Year Old and Still Win at Your Job

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“Mine, give it back!”

“No! I don’t want to!”

Have you ever heard a two-year-old say this? My son does—he says exactly what he wants, no questions asked. Over the next 20 years of his life, my son will learn to share his things, not just his feelings. He will come to understand that while his needs are important, so is caring about the feelings of others. He will apply discipline and filters to his emotions in order to cooperate with goals that are larger and longer-term than his immediate impulses.

As employees develop and progress in their early career, sometimes they mistakenly get the message that the most desirable kind of worker is a people-pleaser who will never disagree. When difficulties arise with their work, they keep struggling without bringing it up for fear of rocking the boat. In reality, people—not machines—are a business’s most valuable asset, and people have opinions, feelings, talents, and weaknesses.

The most successful employees develop effective interpersonal skills in addition to mastering their hands-on job functions. They learn how to disagree while remaining professional and result oriented. By taking an active role in their professional relationships, they are able to take advantage of more growth opportunities and to shape their career to a far greater degree than their more passive colleagues.

 

“Mine, Give it Back!”

Employees grow through their responsibilities and achievements. When a manager reduces your job responsibilities, or one of your major customers leaves for the competition, it can feel like a personal reflection on your abilities as an employee. It is sometimes appropriate to show initiative and take action to get back what you lost, or to reach beyond what your current role offers.

Accepting - Mine give it back - How to disagree professionallyIf the situation arose due to your mistake, own it and provide an action plan (if appropriate) to correct what went wrong. Rather than insisting on fairness, list the positive results that you can achieve and how you plan to get there.

If the situation is a stagnant job, a lost client, or another unfair loss of responsibility, take time to distill your frustrations into a clear, accurate list of prioritized goals. Set a timeline and an action plan for how to achieve them. Ask for the opportunity to prove yourself and demonstrate an understanding of what needs to happen in order to get a result that will benefit the company. Show respect for yourself and your abilities as well as for the needs of the organization.

How to say it:

  • “Although I didn’t hit my target last quarter, I’m determined to exceed my quota this quarter. Here’s my plan to improve on my performance.”
  • To a client: “I’m committed to winning back your trust.”
  • “I would love another chance to prove myself on this project.”
  • “I’m ready to take on additional responsibility. I know that I can contribute a lot to the company’s bottom line with a larger sales region.”
  • “What results do I need to show in order to earn a promotion?”
  • “I’m motivated to move into a management position in the next few years. Can we talk about how I can get there?”

 What not to say:

  • “That isn’t fair.”
  • “But what about me?”
  • “I deserve to have that.”
  • “It’s not my fault.”
  • “You can’t do that.”

 

“No, I don’t want to.”

Rejecting - No I don't want to - How to disagree professionally

Some projects are neither necessary nor realistic. Sometimes you can give more value by doing something else. Although C-level and hourly employees are both crucial to a company’s success, it is a poor use of time and money to ask the VP of Sales to do repetitive data entry.

Although successful employees are versatile and willing to do what needs to be done, they also recognize which tasks are unproductive or disadvantageous. Agreeing to every task can actually make you seem less qualified—not to mention that it quickly leads to an overwhelming inbox full of difficult tasks that no one else wants to do.

Cultivate an open dialogue with your team and superiors, and deliver consistently good work on time. When a thankless task lands on your desk, you will be able to honestly say that you can do more for the company’s bottom line by avoiding the task. Standing up for yourself is good for both your personal and professional growth—as long as you back it up with excellent work.

How to say it:

Demonstrate that you understand the situation, explain the obstacle without patronizing, and make an effort to find a workable solution whenever possible. Emphasize the positive result and be flexible where you can.

  • “I have several reports due by Friday—can we rework the timeline for this new project?”
  • “I don’t have a background in design, but Jessie mentioned that she wanted to take on more work like this. She might be interested in this project.” (Check with colleagues before volunteering them for more work.)
  • “I need additional support to deliver this contract on time. Are there reps available to help with the data entry so I can focus on closing the deal with management?”
  • “What if we did this a different way? I’m spending about two hours a day manually entering data, but I could spend more time making sales if we used an automation tool.”
  • “I’m sorry. I can’t take on that additional work right now.” (This works best for colleagues who are asking you for help with their work, not for a superior.)
  • “My preference is to focus more on marketing. That’s my background, and it’s what I love.”
  • “I could do that project with some additional training.”
  • “I’m struggling with this task. Can we talk about it?”
  • “Can you explain how this task contributes to the project goals? I can contribute more by focusing on sales calls instead of graphic design.”

What not to say:

Giving the excuse that you’re unqualified to do a task says:

  • “That’s beneath me.”
  • “I can’t.”
  • “That’s not in my job description.”
  • “I just don’t like that.”
  • “That makes no sense.”
  • Refusing with no explanation.

A Final Word

Toddler temper tantrums don’t fly in the workplace, but that doesn’t mean you should never speak up about your feelings. Respectful disagreements demonstrate professionalism and give your manager valuable feedback that they might otherwise miss. Their goal is productivity and results, which are difficult to achieve with disengaged and unhappy employees. By voicing problems and suggesting a better way, you can improve your company’s production as well as improving the arc of your own career.

Starting a New Job: 15 Ways to Excel in the First 100 Days

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It is perfectly normal to be nervous about starting a new job. In fact, Forbes ranks starting a new position as one of life’s most stressful experiences; the interview process is often long, emotions run high, and there is all the pressure that comes with wanting to do well. But don’t worry: an outstanding track record is what landed the job in the first place. Combine that with these 15 suggestions for the first 100 days at the new job, and we guarantee better odds of success.

1. Act like the interview is not over.

Getting the job does not equal tenure. Amanda Augustine, a TopResume career advice expert, says “the first three months of any new job are an extension of the interview process. From the first day, you need to be on your game.”

 

2. Show up ready to play.

Showing up on time, sharp, and well rested goes a long way in creating a good first impression. Pick out clothes for the week, practice the morning commute in advance, and go to bed early the night before. Eat a balanced breakfast and bring coffee for the first few days to eliminate the stress of a grumbling stomach or a problematic office coffee maker. Coming thoroughly prepared to work will calm new-job nerves. Walk into the office on time with a plan for the day instead of stressing while rushing to work.

 

3. Limit distractions.new job distractions

Keep smartphones out of reach and silenced, and block Facebook and social media sites to reduce the temptation to sneak a few minutes. Limit personal phone calls, texting, and other personal-time activities (especially in customer-facing roles).

Block out time for low-return work activities like checking email; it can easily suck up time that could instead be allocated to more productive work.

 

4. Don’t ask the CEO for a pen.

As much as possible, solve problems without asking for help. Save small questions (like the location of office supplies) for coworker small talk, and keep communication with management focused on work. Know exactly what accomplishments they want to see, and get them done.

 

5. Defend valuable time.

If the hiring manager has not provided the company’s normal work hours, ask a few days in advance. On day one, arriving 10 to 15 minutes early is a safe bet. Any earlier and it may not be possible to get into the building, or may involve an awkward wait if the manager has not arrived yet. After the first day, it is good form to arrive early and to stay late, within reason.

The manager may indicate that it is okay to leave; if so, do not argue—it is okay to go. Be productive while at work. New employees who put in extra hours with nothing to show for it will not improve their reputations. Demonstrate that good results are a top priority.

 

6. Learn names.

When people meet celebrities on the street, they usually have no problem remembering their names. Why? Because that person was important enough to remember. It may sound harsh, but forgetting someone’s name sends the message: “You weren’t important enough to remember.” Saying “I’m just bad with names,” makes people think, “I’m not important to you.”

That may seem overly negative, but the inverse—remembering people’s names—has tremendous positive benefits. It makes people feel special, it will make you smile, and it is beneficial in the long run. Remembering names is one of the little things that goes the longest way.

For most people, asking a person’s name several times the first time they meet is enough to remember it. But they feel embarrassed doing so, and avoid asking. Get over it. If that does not work, try something else—mnemonic devices and alliterative devices are popular—but whatever it takes remember the names of the people you see each day.

 

7. Take advantage of all the training.

As much as possible brush up on the necessary job skills to reduce the time needed to get up to speed. Take detailed notes and listen carefully to training that the company provides. Do not assume that the training will cover everything. Remember to thank the person who provided the training.

If the company does not offer much training, ask questions to fill in the gaps. It is better to ask a question than to do a task wrong. Accept offers from coworkers to demonstrate how things are done (as long as it does not compete with work assignments). It is a great way to build trust with the team, and they usually have tips that the official training does not cover.

 

8. Keep work areas clean and secure.

Information security is a top concern of employers, and no one wants to be responsible for a security breach during the first month on the job. So be smart! Devices, computers, and paper files containing secure information should be locked or filed away when not in use. Keep a private record of passwords in a secure place (such as in a locked desk drawer or a password-protected file) to avoid asking for them more than once. In a high-security job where passwords may not be written down for any reason, make it a top priority to memorize them, using mnemonics if necessary.

 

9. Fight to stay organized!

With so many new stimuli and unfamiliar processes, critical details are more likely to slip through the cracks. So write everything down! Creating one consolidated task list for the day (preferably on the computer rather than a scrap of paper) and checking it often is a great way to stay on track.

Take notes immediately when given a task. Do not rely on email as a way to store important information. Around 3 p.m. revisit the list. Pick the most important tasks to finish before the end of the day and move the rest into a to-do list for the next day in order of priority.

 

10. Respect the rules.

Little rules are a big deal in most offices, and often a bigger deal than they seem. But they also provide an opportunity for conversation and team-building. Ask where the coffee machine is, or where the best lunch spots are, and listen to what they say. Friendly small talk is the only way to get past the awkward new stage, and it is the best way to learn names and faces quickly.

 

11. Avoid taking time off.

New job vacation

Disclose unchangeable vacation plans as soon as possible (ideally during the interview process) to circumvent inconvenient surprises for a new employer.

Know the company policy for vacation thoroughly before planning anything. Come prepared with a plan to stay up to date on job responsibilities if it is necessary to take a day off.

Although illness is unavoidable, it is good form to show up and work cheerfully through minor colds. Similarly, make an effort to show up during adverse weather conditions, unless the manager says otherwise.

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12. Handle mistakes promptly and gracefully.

Mistakes happen, and no one likes to make them. Acknowledge the problem, take ownership of the situation, communicate a plan to fix it, and follow through without delay. Do not argue. If the manager suggests a different way to correct the situation, do it. Be responsive on emails, and error on the side of over-communicating to avoid future mistakes and miscommunications.

 

13. Never refuse a challenge.

Managers commonly ask new employees to handle work outside the advertised job content. View this as an opportunity to demonstrate a strong work ethic and possibly learn a new skill. Do not dismiss tasks that are outside the job description. Be the first to adapt when obstacles arise.

 

14. Stay in touch with trusted colleagues.

Cutting off old colleagues at the start a new job will stifle the natural growth and maturity of a professional network. After a month or so at the new job, it is appropriate to reconnect with old colleagues. Update LinkedIn with the new job title, and connect to new colleagues. It will help with learning names and titles, and it may provide insights into the skills and accomplishments they consider most important. Start slow—no need to send out 200 connection requests on day one.

 

15. Smile!

Still nervous? Smile! Smiling is a scientifically proven relaxation technique. Even a forced smile boosts real confidence.

Smiley - new job

 

For more advice on starting a new job, contact us at [email protected].